At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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