No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
