Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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