Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
