my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
