true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
