I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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