Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
