They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
