i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
