i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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