i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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