Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
