Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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