All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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