My first STD was from a foam party
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
