I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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