Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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