update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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