You're a womanizer and a bitch.
"it" just moved
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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