Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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