you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
