im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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