So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
