It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
