my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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