my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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