We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
