then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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