I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
