1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We are two peas in an std pod
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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