I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
