i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
