i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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