what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
