The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
