isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
