wakey wakey hands off snakey
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
