so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
