All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
