Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
