Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your penis caused this!
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