why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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