I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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