pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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