i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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