How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
