we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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