I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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