i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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