What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
