white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
